Procedure: The Problems Of My Immediate Existence Will Be Tackled Using Logic
Strephon Still Alive Oct 16 2009 – What To Do? What Not To Do?
Procedure: The Problems Of My Immediate Existence Will Be Tackled Using Logic
(this is basic edited narrative raw text that conveys the immediacy of the described daily experiences happening and being dealt with logically and successfully)
Read for Experience – Suffer the details, and be learning how to be more effective in problem-solving in your life
-Woke up at 4:30 AM checked out bodily state in bed.
-felt pleased I was still alive and not hurting
-felt I was not hurting but dryness in my mouth
-felt the need to pee soon
-felt the need to decide what I do after peeing now. What was my next present goal and need?
-started to pant indicating lack of oxygen so easily
-decided the immediate need was in how to both calm myself and stay calm the immediate next goal
-decided that after peeing to go to the computer to use this writing to calm myself as the immediate release of mental energy that will allow me to go back to bed if feel sleepy or needed
-decided not to stimulate myself by getting excited at the computer
-the two choices after the immediate toilet work is to create release and focus to help relax myself, getting outside myself there as a way of calming
-decided calming myself down to no panting state goal of being at the computer doing this writing
-decided that at the computer I do not do stimulating things at first like look at any new comments on the blog resulting from the last nights Strephon Is Dying Blog Entry because this would be stimulating activity and I was focused on the opposite goal of calming my mental state first
-no other way of calming me was available. The nurse had not checked yesterday that my oxygen was ready when she came yesterday. -
-discovered she does not use cell phones, or own one, so helped create this mistake by not double checking. Thus the announcement of the possibility that I may be immediately dying did not include making sure that yesterday as planned I would have the oxygen ready to stop panting.
-the immediate result of not having the oxygen method ordered by the doctor ready for me is I do not have this powerful method ready for my use to give me enough oxygen in my blood to stop the panting.
-As my now present goal is to calm myself down psychologically through doing present things that may help now
-use this writing to be logically focused to reduce stress and excitement and to focus and release mental stream
-getting burping pressure now to release
-taking special fortified milk product, water and apple sauce that has not caused burping and throat pressure before but gone through the passage ways.
-very few foods don’t cause burping and partial blockage sensations that mostly take me right back into panting
-immediate goal of the moment is still to reduce or stop the panting so that I don’t go into the next state of hard panting and maybe even a panic attack. So far working
-made a decision to contact doctor or nurse and get that oxygen for sure today, so that the clinic delivers and sets up that oxygen today Friday before going through the weekend with reduced services. Make them consider not having this method of calming and relief available now an emergency. Stefania calls Hypericon this morning to get hold of the doctor and one of her two nurses in the morning after 9 AM
-part of present state condition is that I awoke with light panting, the toilet work peeing was physic exertion that made me also pant and suffer partial blockage
-decisions available at that time were back to bed to work out releasing my bodily symptoms to calmness, which seemed difficult in bed with Stefania trying to sleep next to me. If she wakes up and responds to me that creates an extra force for me to deal with, which weakens my focus because then I lose Single Focus in dealing with my own condition. Right now I am burping mildly
-just started forced breathing through my nose, though still mild
-expressing myself this way seems to be more calming that stimulating, though I recognize now that I could get angry over this mistake on the nurses part of not having effective follow through, her job, to have made sure the oxygen was delivered here on schedule.
-apparently the nurse’s training and supervision not good enough to produce effective responsibility and follow through.
-my day goal today is to get that oxygen method set up for me today, even if they have to declare an emergency to put enough resources behind getting me oxygen today as a emergency priority.
-present state anxiety beginning to surface at the prospect of confronting the doctors and nurses at Hypiricon today to get that oxygen today. Must calm myself now by having a clear plan of action to use after 9 AM today to get the oxygen method ready for me to use today.
-see how the logically discovered results, what did and did not happen, expand into more things to deal with, and if not dealt with then creates panic panting rather than relieve it.
-Friday 6:15 AM now. Decision now to stop the logic work for a little while here and consciously focus physically on my panting and burping and seem if I can reduce the panting and the anxiety.
-we do not dwell on the discovery of what went wrote yesterday that I did not get my oxygen. But we do work out a goal for the immediate day to try and repair and solve the problem of getting me oxygen today.
-to tell the doctor: I need and want the oxygen method set up today, even if you have to declare an emergency to get it done. I woke up alive and panting at 4:30 AM and am now still releasing the blocking feeling by burping and strong breathing. Your nurse Daniela, I nice and friendly person trying to do her job. She said she does not use or own a cell phone. I check with a manager at city hall who has done a lot of helping Stefania and I out, and he says every worker on down has and uses their cell phones at work for more effective communication and getting things done. My other help workers use mobiles to constantly check and get things done. Why should I suffer from one of your support people in Daniela not even owning or using a cell phone. I really am trying for getting you to repair my situation today by getting that oxygen set up for me today, even as a declared emergency. One of the other specialists, the occupational therapist, cancelled his appointment with us at the last moment, saying he had an emergency situation. My need to have oxygen therapy available to me is a pressing need because I wake up with strong symptoms today, and earlier, of lack of oxygen in the waking up with panting and some blockage in the throat. Please, please get me the oxygen setup for sure today. If you simply can’t do it, tell me what alternatives you can do today to reduce or stop my panting and partial blockage. I am working on my problem myself in figuring out what and why this went wrong when Daniela arrived yesterday and asked me if the oxygen had arrived. I am not the first person, the patient, as the one you first ask. You ask, don’t you, the ones whose job is to bring the oxygen, to be themselves responsible to the doctor and nurse who are using the oxygen therapy now to relieve their patient’s lung cancer symptoms. The right persons have to be responsible for this, don’t you think? And for them not to use their patient as the their end person for information. It is pretty obvious than Daniela’s refusing to have and use a cell phone for work is a weak chain link because she could have said at the beginning of her day, what are my tasks today and how do I check these out in what I need at the patients place to get them done? I either phone the right people who deliver the oxygen or get my helpers to check that the oxygen is there or ready to go by a certain time at my patient’s house. I do not enquire into this by making my patient the last call of the day to check out if the oxygen is at his place. That makes it too late to correct the problem and have my tools ready to put in place for Drs Williams. For myself, Dr Meddens, Idid not know the problem until 5 AM and all this analysis work was done by me now to help calm me by finding solutions and what needs solving, so as to help you and team out in problem-solving this as soon as possible. But now I hope I have figured out the problem, my immediate needs, and so you can come up with a good solution today, which is what you do and I don’t. I simply want the oxygen that I did not get yesterday to be here in use for me on this Friday today. Can and will you make this happen. I now wake with panting and blockage symptoms so the need to help me today is definitely there. As you say and probably had Daniela announce to me again. I look like I am in my dying phrase. Why tell me all this yesterday by Daniela and also not be clear with me that I will definitely get my oxygen today to help me? Because of my memory problem I missed what Daniela, if anything, said she would do about the problem today, solve it today. I was not clear until now what the whole problem was, but waking feeling good for another day of life but feeling also the danger because I was already panting and any effort increased the ongoing symptoms, which I am trying to decrease by talking with you about the problem and what can be accomplished for me today.
-I slept from 12 midnight to 4:30 AM and it was a good rest for me. I am prepared to sleep more when I am sleepy. I also like being clear in my head, so your taking me off the sleeping pills definitely is good for me. Thanks.
- I know these things are complicate. Everyone is making mistakes, most not important, a few causing me stress. I am learning to accept people’s mistakes as part of the total treatment process. Example: I asked Daniela to please check my medication blister that it is right. She discovered that yesterday DEX 6 mg 4 times a day was in the blister and she would check this out with you and pharmacy. Also that I had forgotten I have the slime dissolve drink medication and so after the first day was not taking it. She seems a good checker out of things, medications, my own thoughts about medications. It turns out that naturally there was miscommunication and that you thought or might have thought that I would be still thinking that the Iscador would heal me, and that was why when you came on Wednesday I believe you gave me right off 7 negative symptoms you saw that I am now sick and dying, but with too much impact on the psychological me because all negative and not clear that I and patients psychological all need some positives, still realistic at the same time as the negatives are given once again. I can assure you that now I am not putting false hopes on Iscador and Daniela and I as a real positive have worked out that a positive result could be and extension of a focused life that I can use to write my last book with is possible with what Iscador does for people. Another positive she gave me was that all German hospitals give every patient who enters Iscador. So you might have interpreted my statements that I was hoping for a cure with Iscador. I did talk about a possible miracle cure but that was weeks earlier when we first talked about Iscador. Now I have changed positions with your help, which is good to be practical here, and worked out with Daniela a possible positive perspective of with the most likely dying now picture you give, and Dr Adams gives I should expect to possible die maybe sometime soon, and this lets me and friends and my wife know so we start relating with this in mind, like planning a funeral service if we have one. I take responsibility for not speaking Dutch as causing difficulties in communication sometimes. But it is part of the price I consciously paid to live here and teach professionals. So my method is to keep clarifying with Dutch persons where it is needed that they know what I am saying.
-now at 7:15 I really do go into a quiet time to try and handle the burping and breathing problems. I will take the slime dissolve drink now and wait for the time to take the morning medications.
-present state: worked out with Stefania what we each can do now to solve the getting oxygen problem settled today. Will receive a call from the doctor probably soon. Expained my need to the office person at Hypericon. She said she will get hold of Dr M as soon as possible and explain the problem. Her English was good, as well as her compassion.
-both Stefania and I did what we could together to get the ball rolling by making the necessary contacts.
-big personal learning for me: Just like my wife has said to me in the past, I am too stiulating and evoke to much anger and negativity. I acknowledged this in talk and action, but not fundamentally. Mine were little changes. I was not under as much direction challenges, as I am now.
-thus in meeting with Stefania just this last hour I stayed neutral and rational in tone and we got through the emotions part. I had already here worked out the problem, how it happened, and what I needed now from the doctor: with ongoing heavy burping and especially the constant heavy breathing, even a few coughs just before trying to eat a little and take the first medications round I need that oxygen breathing now today, rather than go through today and the weekend into monday when Dr M is still not available.
-my serious error is that I have been too aggressive with certain people like Stefania and a real enemy I have now who takes revenge quite easily. My meeting with Stefania seemed to work well in the present moment because I stayed rational, did not overburden S, did not get aggressive or express any other emotion, kept focus, watched if I was upsetting S during our problem-solving time. I practiced not stimulating S or myself but keeping calm and focused on the problem. It all worked and we got our goals and procedures set up calmly for the day.
-I remember well in visits to my rediscovered Jewish family of my fathers that they did so much aggressive invocations with each other. Then also my mother and her sister, my aunt, where I used to stay some summers expressed a lot of hate and negativity about each other and to each other in letters. This stuff was a horror to me to experience. They both wanted me to take sides.
-thus I was badly influenced by this in childhood. In adulthood 15 years of Jungian analysis and two years of university training as a marriage, family and child counselor still did not provide conditions to completely change me on being over expressive and stimulating to some people in relating to them.
-I was not yet clear on this problem, even though I learned effective communication and relating skills that I used with clients to make sure they had effective communication skills to solve their own relating problems in life. This seemed to work well for a lot of my couples work, but worked less well for me, and so maybe I was the main cause of the breakups of certain primary relationships and didn’t know what in my behavior was causing relationship problems.
-now that I know that being negative at all upsets people’s stress levels and some attack back causing me stress as their way of trying to stop someone, me, from stressing them out, I can stop my behavior when at all possible for me, like the successful interaction this morning with S.
-My next challenge today is probably with my main doctor so as to not stress her out or to not get oxygen today.
-Now I have slowed down to normal breathing. I have taken my normal medication an hour ago plus the sputum dissolving extra medicine. Did my not taking full 6 mg last night instead of only 1.5 cause the result of heavy breathing and panting this morning? What should I do doctor?
-Now suddenly sleepy, but have to stay awake maybe an hour more to receive Dr’s call and get the plan for the day as to what they will do.
-trying to stay awake. Go pee. Try to drink some of the coffee prepared this morning by Stefania. No panting now.
-lifestyle problem: what do you use your intellect for and what is best for you?
-example: Strephon Kaplan-Williams maybe equally as smart as Ken Wilber, is using his intellect to work with his own cancer illness and his own personal growth.
-example: Ken Wilber uses his intellect mainly or only for being a well known author in philosophy and transpersonal psychology. In Grace and Grit Ken Wilber described and journey excerpted his wife’s articulate and personal journal to provide us all with reality experiencing of her death by breast cancer. It became a best selling, over one million copies sold, he says in a comment somewhere in Grace and Grit. Ken Wilber did not share his personal issue of having a serious disease controlled for years by medication. Years later he has a artical on the web
-present big anxiety heavy breathing.
-Oxygen people scheduled their oxygen arrival here for 10-11 but giving us no time to prepare.
-talked to oxygen coordinator: her driver does not speak any English. I have no one but Stefania to communicate in Dutch.
-we need stefania now who is at work from 15-30 minutes away by bike and did not answer her mobile so I could only leave a message.
-called Mark to please call the synagogue now and get hold of Stefania it call the oxygen person or come right home
-called the oxygen coordinator to try calling Stefania on her mobile. My mind went black when the oxygen coordinator asked me for Stefania’s mobile number before. I thought I did not know it in my mind.
-Immediate state am calming down to more regular breathing because I am doing something to help handle the situation, whether it does or not.
-Call Mark now. Just did. He considers himself dangerous to me and other because sick with the flu. Asked for a report later. Thus I recalled everyone active in this immediate situation to tell them problem solved.
-present solution to problem: Oxygen Ineke keeps the driver on delivery here at their time and he uses his limited English they now say he has to explain oxygen procedures and we hook up I guess and anything I do not understand I call Oxygen Ineke and they help explain to me in English what to do.
-Stefania able to stay at work because they desperately needed her and she was asked last night if she is really coming to help them today at the synagogue. So S stays there, I get my oxygen set up and I have a whole new treatment method to calm me before the weekend.
-Nothing said or done about now taking 6 mg four times a day of DEX.
-Daniela, the doctor’s nurse was going to check this with the doctor. Maybe she still is resolving that issue: is it the wrong medication level for DEX or just right to their plan?
-I have suddenly calmed down to normal breathing, I guess because the oxygen situation is being resolved and happening. People have made the right decisions for me.
-To Do: note the logical procedures I used to get this problem solved, and the results that are happening. I shall try and describe this also so that those of you who desire to can know and use these if you so choose.
-Good For Me (strephon): by resolving to stay as active as possible in contributing to my current willed life despite cancer I had enough will power and activity focus to do my necessary part in this current problem and need, so that a solution to my oxygen need is actually happening. When the emergency time actually happened I was available to get a solution out of the doctor and the health care team when I best needed it. Preparation, understanding, need clear, and how to get the doctor’s people motivated and solving the Problem from their end. Of course they have said they want to keep making me as comfortable as possible in my dying process.
-The actual dying seems less a concern, though I have expressed some grief and sadness as well as affirming the positive times with Stefania, and some with others, like tennis friend Mark who wants to be my real friend now, and so do I his. We have talked and shared about mostly ourselves and only a little about tennis around my April 2 birthday I stopped playing tennis.
-breathing strong on the inhale but weak on the exhale. How do you exhale when in ongoing panic of losing your breathing power all together? Taking air in much more positive to you. Work on that breathing, Strephon
-reading for details and drama down to each forkful. Some of you will just browse or ‘save it for later’ or never get to it and read all of this blog entry. My task set for this entry and the blog in general is to record accurately the details in a logical and clarifying way, plus sometimes stories and feeling reactions. Also sometimes expanding with comments important learning procedures and life-learning concepts in action through my own experiences as examples so that those of you wanting and needing education of what it is to go through dying of cancer will have it to clarify your own cancer experience of dying, and just as effective, read the blog or book when it comes out so that you understand better what a friend or family member is going through.
-for example when you are relating to a child going through cancer dying, or an adult, you will understand a lot about the cancer person you are relating to and help them out.
-oxygen man came and finished at 11 AM. He could speak a good enough English to instruct me and I wrote down what he said.
-now breathing without panic, almost normally
-discovered the cause of panic breathing, at least for myself: the instinct is for all of us to associate to breathing anxiety of losing breath on our exhales so we hold them back in fear of not being able to breathe at all because the tumor is blocking at least one lung with fluid in both. So we hold the breathe back in anxiety, even though we consciously know that this does not help. Now the new constant oxygen gives me enough for my blood so I can feel a calming difference already which just gets better. On the inhale I am taking big inhale breaths, even panting in panic, to get in a lot of oxygen. This then is exaggerated but feels necessary to get enough oxygen in the blood, which it does not necessarily do. Now with the added through the nose pure oxygen I am getting adequate oxygen to my blood that will even help limit the tumor because tumors are anaerobic and make their oxygen from the human flesh around them. being flooded with blood oxygen limits their activity and so is also anti cancer therapy.
-later dialog with the OT who came for the first time is that carbon dioxside accumulates in the brain and causes panting to get rid of the cd and people blow into a bag to get it out. This can be true at the physical level and still have also a psychological level cause. CHECK WITH DOCTOR ON THIS.
-Stefania had confidence in me I could solve the problem without her help so she could stay at work. She was cheerful and light on her mobile with me.
- We must be as strong in living as we may become in dying or we don’t die well our living.
-meetings all day with support people has made me handle to much all at once, so had burping. Now no burping and calm.
-Friday 7 PM -dismissed volunteer watcher-helper that Stefania wanted. I said I have been working all day and now I have free time for my own work at the computer I don’t want my time taken from me. Stefania got rid of her!
-I took a stand and it worked out. Stefania did the getting rid of her. I got my free time. I told her only that I did not want her here. When I need her because my cancer is worse then we can ask for her. I want no interactions now. So she started interacting immediately. She said you want single focus. You and I don’t need it. I can operate with multiple focus. I stopped her. I said leave me alone. I already asked that people don’t interact with me. But we are just starting all these programs so have to get clear on so much. I am a profession psychologist and want my time alone. Please leave as soon as possible. We were not clear yet on how this works. You are Stefania’s responsibility. She works it our with you but not by anyone invading my space which is precious to me.
-Stefania is working quietly alone in the kitchen maybe as she adapts also to all these changes. A benefit now is for her and I to get prepared together, like I ate my simple meal and Stefania brought me the needed stuff and took it away away after. After I am quietly breathing because I got my 24 hour today to help me breath normal because now I get enough oxygen to not have to pant.
-Dr Maddens came today and was positive and clear and understood Seven Points of her realistic-negatives having to much psychological impact all at once. At the beginning of our talk she talked fast for me and normal for her. I said, Took fast, I need it slowed. I can’t take it in but makes me nervous. She understood immediately, and is now practicing a positive and warm bedside manner. She puts it as her meeting my needs, rather than right bedside manner, which is fine with me if we get the problems solved. We both expressed our happiness at my getting oxygen and it is working.
-Dr Maddens called back at 5 PM to report on the problems she solved today as to why the elevated white blood cell count to 27 from 15, most probably caused by the strong dose of DEX I take for the edema, but doctors consulted said better keep me on it now than lower the blood count with something else. Good it is then.
-My thought on it is that getting oxygen will help me and hurt the cancer so that a healthier platform is set for whatever happens. The other thing I have done is agree with the doctor and use that agreement well to get rid of the people emailing me so I can be free to use and finish only the blog. I clean up my multi-focused life and make it single-focused as the best want to accomplish things things now like this blog and book.
-tasks tonight. Post this to the blog. Load some more entries into the Cancer Book. Find out more about white cells elevation numbers and what they mean.
-remembering just now how the first hospital doctor specialist said to me she has 52 lung cancer patients while the home doctor may have only two a year. This explains why some of the home doctors who have helped me say they have consulted with colleagues. They want me as a caner patient to keep their skills up and to have a more difficult case to deal with than normal.
Things We Have Learned In One Day’s Life Of A Cancer Patient.
-use logic not feeling emotions as reactions to problems
-set goals and keep on them to be sure they know your needs and goals, and how to get these needs and goals accomplished.
-write down needs and goals on a card list you make for each important person of your health team.
The Anatomy Of Solving A Medical Treatment Problem In Its Necessary Details
You only solve problems when you work out the details of an effective plan to make your goals happen, and your keep carrying through on the details until the plan is achieved.
The discovery of the problem and its possible solution is only worked out and achieved in the details. The discovery is only in the details logically handled.
The Actual Anatomy of Today’s Problem and the details used to make the plan and its problem-solving solution happen, using the details and a worked out procedure for making a solution happen.
Today a problem has been solved via the details using logic to figure out every detail.
-when they make mistakes analyze and find out why. One of Dr M’s nurses did not want to own a mobile phone so I told Dr M directly this nurse was not practicing proper procedures to get her jobs done right and at my expense. In the morning you list do you have all the equipment needed to accomplish what your day is like. Dr M tried to stop me but I persisted. It affects me directly. I was expecting oxygen set up for me on that day and not repeating the Seven Negatives over again to me. You both obviously were carrying out a strategy on me to make me realistic. So please don’t cause me big stress by giving me only a big dose of negatives and then no positives in with the negatives. I lose confidence in a person on the heath team. Proper procedure is in the morning check out your day and see what you have to have to get the job done. Your nurse did not do that because she has no mobile phone for work. Everyone else who has come in hears a need and think up the solution and phone someone to clarify or get an action to get going or tell you when soon they will do it. If Daniela had checked by phone in the morning she would have found out if the Oxygen was ready at my place. Dr M says she did that. I said, how could she have, she has no phone to check with, but the clear evidence is that she waited to the end of the day to see me and asked me had the oxygen arrived. I am the patient. I should not be the first source of information to tell you the oxygen has or has not arrived. That can only be taken by you getting hold of the oxygen delivery person and finding out directly. She did not handle that her equipment was ready.
-That affects me the patient directly. Maybe now is the time for you to insist as part of her job role the she follow the procedure I suggest and get a mobile for work like almost everyone has now in work organizations. Her personal dislike of mobile phones should not get in the way of job performance. The first time she came here she had no mobile to call to us because she said she did not have the number to our apartment. Why didn’t she? She does not prepare herself well using procedures that work well for a lot of people. I don’t want to be the last person seen with this lady because she allows no time in the day for herself to prepare and double check herself what should be where.
-And this kind of habit and attitude causes mistakes and that causes lack of confidence by the patient in the competence of the person coming to help you by getting her tasks done successfully on the day appointed to do so. Like the oxygen got done today because I got word to the right people and they got word to you that I was really suffering panting breathing and did not want to go through the weekend like that. Great, maybe you realized this and got the job done today with no hassle to me so no stress but positive relief to me to have both the oxygen now and the problem solved.