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Muscle, Brain, Emotional, Spiritual Will Handling Cancer Symptoms

Issues: cancer symptoms … will power fundamentals … dealing with things … dealing with cancer symptoms … consciousness as also a healing tool … important health treatments …

The doctor in testing me a few days ago said that I still have my will in my muscles, which gives me more to work with.

Yes, I agree, but I also have put greater will into my brain, emotions and my relationship to Greater Source.

Muscle Will Power

This means sometimes making yourself do what you don’t seem to have the energy to do.

Just the small task of getting yourself up from a chair and walking can be a hard task. It is for me mostly. I am getting better at it because I now know what it is to counter the cancer fatigue which seems to always be there.

And my walker gets its wheels locked so to get up I can use the walker’s locked handles, but not entirely. One hand gets stable via the arm of the chair or the top of the table. Then it all works.

Intentionality must both be strong and work effectively so one does not hurt oneself or upset things around you.

Principle To Follow

1. - Try to always help yourself alone as much as possible, like going to the toilet, getting your own food when easy enough to do so.
2. - Don’t let others help you unless absolutely necessary for you or them. This keeps your will in your muscles. It made be slow for you and everybody to get up and down or move around, but it is you doing the task via will power and choice.
3. - The more you let others help you the more you are giving up your will to live.
4. - You live through your willed and purposeful muscles and brain power.
5. - Healthy people have a lot of automatic actions to carry out intentions they do, but a cancer patient, like myself, may have to be consciously forcing him or herself to move and still do things herself or himself.
6. - Healthy people do have crises of will power, as I certainly had, especially in my young adult years until I had a life purpose to focus on to motivate me into the future.
7. - Depression is weak motivation and will power because ones psychic energy goes into fantasies and ritualized behavior, such as excessive masturbation.
8. - To counteract will-less states like masturbating a lot instead of going out there into the world and finding the right kind of person for you to share with sexually and emotionally you must make a purposeful choice to do so. It is too easy to be self-sexual, but where does it lead to, what does it produce?
9. - This masturbation issue is a special problem for young adults but also has the same fundamentals as a dying cancer patient has. Best to keep building up your ability to will yourself through debilitating things like excessive sexuality or serious illness or depression, so that you are better ready for other possible debilitating crises in your life.

Brain Will Power

When this cancer fatigue, phlegm, coughing and medications were taking over, I was also subject to emotional bouts of grief, depression, hope, elation, sudden sleeps, anxiety. Was I dying sooner than later? Saying goodbye to my wife, Stefania. A lot of anxiety about each of the tasks. We were in the midst of  moving. I could not help. Stefania had to handle it all and volunteers from her work place came forward and made it all happen.

People wished me well. Some said I would live a long time yet.

My basic psychological conflict was between the position that I was getting worse rapidly and in my final dying process, or was it I had serious cancer but with the help of good doctors I might stabilize for months, even a couple of years if I do regular medical with alternative.

My alternative is a strict no sugar diet to feed the tumor, cottage cheese-linseed oil and simple digestible foods.

1. - Change lifestyle and diet to be anti cancer.
2. - Put consciously ones will power into daily movements, eating and so on.

Emotional Will Power

When I was suffering a lot of grief already at dying and the loss of the relationship to my partner and me, I found that I was exaggerating and projecting on to the cancer situation.

Purpose

I needed a counter balance and that counter balance is purpose that one chooses to keep focused on consciously for as long as one can in whatever way one can.

• I needed to stop being so emotional, even hysterical. Partner and I both worked to calm each other down and talk out issues being evoked by the cancer and how we were evoked in relating to each other.

My freshly chosen purpose now in all this was to keep focused on my various reactions to the cancer symptoms daily, make them conscious, learn some lessons from them, free myself of projections and emotions evoked by cancer symptoms and dealing with what this ongoing drama evokes.

Thus I add a new healing factor to the cancer containing equation, even with some possibility for healing.

- The doctors medicine normal and some strong alternative, Iscador chosen because that is what Steiner doctors use mostly, with some homeopathy through a homeopath doctor I am using also. And a big survey in Europe has show positive results with Iscador. We just don’t know.

- I keep my will power in there as active as possible against The Great Cancer Fatigue and other symptoms.

- By making my experiences now specific and conscious as to what they contain of life and spiritual issues, I am adding the best methods I use for dealing with splits in the psyche as I have developed in Jungian-Senoi Dreamwork.

- The results of this consciousness approach can contribute to the stopping of the cancer tumor growth, or if this is not to be, contribute to dying meaningfully and consciously, thus enhancing my existence with awareness and meaning as I go the road. Both wonderful results to obtain.

- This is not ‘fighting the cancer.’ This is ‘focusing the cancer.’ This is ‘dancing with the cancer.’ This is interacting with The Dark Side Of Life, which we all need to learn how to do, individuals, families, groups, nations, the world as one whole, to resolve conflicts that can destroy ones total being or aspects of it. Work to be done!

Blog And Book

- I am being successful almost in keeping up posting to my StrephonSays blog experiences and the perceptions and principles I derive from these.

- I gain also some calming support from intelligent and insightful blog commentators, thus giving me a community of profound and compassionate sharers that I don’t get locally, being in the outskirts of Nijmegen, instead of living in my native California where there might well be more local, consciously oriented people. But who knows if this is true. The internet now might be better for finding the right contact and sharing people compatible with what I am doing with my cancer and possible early dying.

- The best blog entries I am putting into a unique book. I read Ken Wilber and his wife’s book, Grace and Grit, on her cancer dying years ago and made notes on every page, it seemed so real.

- Yet on the dark side of the book Ken Wilber talks personally and philosophically about Treya and their issues and general Eastern philosophy and practice, plus all the cancer treatment Treya took in her day but still died statistically at the average time, which was for breast cancer five years with treatment. Ken Wilber never shares his own contracting a life-threatening illness at the same time they are dealing with Treya’s illness.

- However, my blog book is having more immediacy and psychological and spiritual understanding than Grace and Grit. Ken and Treya write well but certain fundamentals seem off or too negative and angry, while not being transformed. And there is less immediacy than in my blog entries and book being put together.

- The dark side of Ken Wilber is that he does not share, as far as I recall, that he got a chronic life-threatening, illness a couple of years later during Treya’s process. Never mentions it! Then I read years later, now recently, that Ken Wilber has suffered a massive epileptic fit that his chronic illness medication had not controlled from happening, so severe he almost died.

- Both Treya and Ken seem to me as a psychologist over-mental. Certainly they are both insightful, intelligent and real with how they perceive themselves and their ideas. Yet they use mind too much as their problem-solver in life.

- In my work as a dreamwork psychologist I have seen a number or these types who mentalized far too much and so they are weak in feeling and bodily expression. They believe too much in their own thoughts, often not grounded in direct experience. Well, the body gets denied and responds with serious illness in so many people who are over-mental and don’t go through extensive analysis, therapy or dreamwork process work.

Jung Contrast To Ken Wilber

As a Contrast to these intelligent beings, Jung was told in a personal dialogue with his personified internal Wisdom Function, Philemon, You know, Jung, your words are not you, do not come from you personally. Think of them as leaves on a tree that you gather up and use.

This is Jung objectifying his unconscious and wisdom source, instead of like Ken Wilber does, which is attribute to himself his high intelligence and books, including wearing a shaved head and proclaiming Da Free John, an ‘Enlightened Master.’ Jung lived to age 86 and had heart problems in old age, but died peacefully in the end.

- Thus my blog entries and book will be a ‘reality production’ and so have a lot of experiential immediacy that brings the right reader forward to read and experience the life issues around having cancer, and there are many.

Stress

A lot of stress could get going from dealing with the cancer, but also moving to the new apartment and having such a low income base to pay for things in moving or treatment the insurance does not pay for.

Today liquid vitamins and an energy drink come to try out from the dietitian covered by insurance until next year.

Like our primary house doctor says: we have come into a mess around organizing everything and everybody to create the right support for me as I go through my cancer process. Two or three big meetings with various doctors and support organizations this past week.

Thus you need to organize your health care team, and again that falls mostly on Stefania and our main doctor, but also I can do things like make lists for meetings on issues I am having. Like making it as easy as possible going to the toilet day and night.

With Stefania and I there have been rough nights as I suddenly wake up feeling choked by the phlegm or in some sort of half panic.

Dream images do not flow into full narrative dreams lately but seem to have a central image like two bright light logs in the near distance. Then I wake alert and not sleepy any more and Stefania wakes to take care of me, getting little sleep at night. Plus what can she do for me, except calm me or handle her own issues evoked.

With our overall treatment and care system coming into place  this includes night time experiences also. Last night the little morphine pill taken at 10 PM allowed me to sleep through most of the night, which was five or six hours, up only once, and Stefania not having to get up at all.

These things count because she has gotten exhausted several times trying to handle the new situation of my cancer and the house moving and her end of our personal relationship, including getting married on Sept 30 2009 to preserve her rights here as a widow, like being able to stay in this very nice and modern older folks apartment after my death.

• Maybe also we stop the cancer from growing more now, like with the food and Iscador mistletoe treatment, and so I stay here enjoying, relating and writing for many months to come, even a year or two, as they say is possible because of the mistletoe treatments.

If this essay appeals to you and you want to add thoughts coming from your own issues and experiences, please feel free to do so. Some of you have done so in blog comments and in private emails to me. This is a calming context for my cancer work with myself.

Comments also let me know that what I write is valuable to some people, thus valuable in the world as the blog and the book flow into outreach to cancer people and especially those who are living a more or less aware life and want to experience all of reality in order to be purposefully aware, one of my definitions for consciousness.

The function of a valuable blog is to dig up insights from oneself and add them in all honesty to appropriate places like my blog, and maybe elsewhere like in a little book of your own, or just in significant conversations and behavior.

-Strephon from his life and heart!

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