This is such an important entry for me, to truly understand what I must be going through. Anything that helps me to a greater clarity so that whatever choices I still have in the situation I can use them.

Of course, just dealing with things throughout the day and night is such an intense activity that feeling encouraged by you does certainly help.

Yes, it feels like I am at the edge of the cliff but not over it, like not desperately hanging on, yet at the edge. This is my edge. I don’t want it sentimental, full of hope, but I do expect myself to be fully aware and active where I can be.

There are choices still to be made, important choices. This I can even relish.

Thanks friend,

Strephon

A good night’s sleep is a wonderful thing. A good day awake is, too. May you have many more of both.

Up and down and up and down. That was always the way it was, wasn’t it? Now the movements appear to be amplified, but Now is just that, nothing before was/is really comparable. Questions and answers. We always had them. Many questions. Few convincing answers. That isn’t new, at least if we really look back and face what we see.

You have lost the use of a lung, bad news indeed, but you still have one functioning. I know a guy, around your age, who lost a lung some 25 years ago, not from lung cancer but from an experiment with a psychedelic substance, yet he’s still alive, traveling the globe and working. So keep up your fight and breath with the lung you’ve still got, as best you can. No one knows what will happen.

“Your will be done.” It’s part of a prayer. God’s will be done. Is there a God? I don’t know. (It probably depends on what we mean by God, a subject of far too little debate.) But I do know that many times my little will is not capable of getting anything done. Then I just stop and say to myself, and to Him if he exists, “Your will be done.”. Is that the same as “giving up”. It’s my dear little ego giving up, that’s for sure. But it’s not necessarily a giving up by my Real I, the I that isn’t even mine, but is the only real one I’ve somehow got,…

So keep up your life and death fight, as best you can. And, when and if you lose it, or it so appears, maybe you could recognize that you have no knowledge of death. But you have had a lot of experiences being afraid of something you knew nothing about and finding out later that it wasn’t worth being afraid of. Maybe death is like that, too.

Is there reason to hope? No, but there never was reason for any hope of any kind. Hope is not a matter of reason. Having it without reason is the way we have it. Please keep on having it as long as you feel like it.

May you and Stefania manage to get married before you kick the bucket. And may you find that the time is still far off for you to kick the bucket. And, if you really have no choice but to kick it, then kick it, my friend, and see if you can find out what it’s all about.

Meanwhile, where there are blog entries, there is life. May your blog entries keep appearing for a long time yet.

Arthur