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Report Slept Through The Night September 19 2009

19 September 2009 2 Comments
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Report Slept Through The Night September 19 2009

Slept through the night, which was good. Dream of eating various goodies at a bar festival, it seemed like.

Don’t feel pain now. It’s 6 AM. Must have slept at around 12 midnight. So medication working, two kinds, regular doctor stuff and now started homeopathy.

Whatever helps helps.

  • What if you don’t get help in life? Now that is suffering.

But getting help from those around you is a perfect joy. People are doing a lot for each other here, like helping Stefania and I out with fixing up the apartment and moving us into it, as well as getting rid of the junk in the old apartment, putting the doors back on the closets, cleanup. Go to the dump today to unload loads.

It’s all in a day’s work, but what a day’s work this is.

  • Feeling good this morning. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if it continued for a whole month?

Still it’s one day at a time. Don’t get your hopes up, Strephon. One day at a time.

Existence is now …

Well, let’s get to work correcting words in the new cancer book-report to sell soon or at least get written. The Reality Report.

Report Visited Old House And It Was Depressing

Seeing all the work Stefania and friends were doing to tear down the old fixtures for cutting food, cooking it, the old bedroom wooden wall to make it nice, and then that’s it. The cleanup, the need to move the wood, all they were doing while I watched helpless with the low energy of cancer eating away at me. The saving of money to pay for the upcoming marriage so Stefania has rights to live here after all the work done in the new apartment.

  • Depressing? Sad, anyway, but life is sad at times. We all want a lift, don’t we?

The good news is that I could walk normally, not so slowly as usual. This is unusual, due to homeopathy, hopefully. There is hope. Is there hope. This is only a report, and not quite a message from God yet, or is it?

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2 Comments »

  • Arthur B. Treadway said:

    Dear Strephon,

    A good night’s sleep is a wonderful thing. A good day awake is, too. May you have many more of both.

    Up and down and up and down. That was always the way it was, wasn’t it? Now the movements appear to be amplified, but Now is just that, nothing before was/is really comparable. Questions and answers. We always had them. Many questions. Few convincing answers. That isn’t new, at least if we really look back and face what we see.

    You have lost the use of a lung, bad news indeed, but you still have one functioning. I know a guy, around your age, who lost a lung some 25 years ago, not from lung cancer but from an experiment with a psychedelic substance, yet he’s still alive, traveling the globe and working. So keep up your fight and breath with the lung you’ve still got, as best you can. No one knows what will happen.

    “Your will be done.” It’s part of a prayer. God’s will be done. Is there a God? I don’t know. (It probably depends on what we mean by God, a subject of far too little debate.) But I do know that many times my little will is not capable of getting anything done. Then I just stop and say to myself, and to Him if he exists, “Your will be done.”. Is that the same as “giving up”. It’s my dear little ego giving up, that’s for sure. But it’s not necessarily a giving up by my Real I, the I that isn’t even mine, but is the only real one I’ve somehow got,…

    So keep up your life and death fight, as best you can. And, when and if you lose it, or it so appears, maybe you could recognize that you have no knowledge of death. But you have had a lot of experiences being afraid of something you knew nothing about and finding out later that it wasn’t worth being afraid of. Maybe death is like that, too.

    Is there reason to hope? No, but there never was reason for any hope of any kind. Hope is not a matter of reason. Having it without reason is the way we have it. Please keep on having it as long as you feel like it.

    May you and Stefania manage to get married before you kick the bucket. And may you find that the time is still far off for you to kick the bucket. And, if you really have no choice but to kick it, then kick it, my friend, and see if you can find out what it’s all about.

    Meanwhile, where there are blog entries, there is life. May your blog entries keep appearing for a long time yet.

    Arthur

    # 19 September 2009 at 1:51 PM
  • Strephon (author) said:

    Arthur,

    This is such an important entry for me, to truly understand what I must be going through. Anything that helps me to a greater clarity so that whatever choices I still have in the situation I can use them.

    Of course, just dealing with things throughout the day and night is such an intense activity that feeling encouraged by you does certainly help.

    Yes, it feels like I am at the edge of the cliff but not over it, like not desperately hanging on, yet at the edge. This is my edge. I don’t want it sentimental, full of hope, but I do expect myself to be fully aware and active where I can be.

    There are choices still to be made, important choices. This I can even relish.

    Thanks friend,

    Strephon

    # 19 September 2009 at 2:34 PM

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