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Dialog With My Cancer September 22 2009

23 September 2009 3 Comments
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Dialog With My Cancer September 22 2009

-So cancer, why are you inhabiting my body now?

-Because you deserve it.

-Why do I deserve it? I feel in a way I do, also. Has my life been too good or one-sided?

-One-sided.

-Is this what my ego or rational mind says?

-Maybe so. You ask words you get words back.

-The point is?

-The point is that cancer doesn’t speak. It acts. You have to act back. Don’t give up, Strephon, not now!

-You are saying that as cancer speaking?

-I am a third voice. Don’t give up Strephon, not now! Live your life onward. Give it all you’ve got. Fight harder. Win this battle. Don’t be so realistic that you don’t try and alter the future. Fight forward, not the cancer so much as to achieve your purpose. Marshal your forces now. Try even harder. Focus, Strephon, focus. Believe in miracles. Now is the time to believe in miracles. Act with fortitude. Believe in your real self more. Maybe you were losing it before, becoming a decrepit old man. Don’t lose it now. Fight harder, push yourself forward into new life. That is all I have to say to you.

-Thank you. Yes, I try harder. I visualize the cancer going away. I pray for the cancer to go away. I focus on my purpose for living each day. Today my purpose for living is, and so on. Live my life cancer free. Really do it, really want it. But a little wee voice comes up saying cancer is too big for you, Strephon, to defeat. You don’t stand a chance. Yes, but let’s defeat that attitude. Let’s just root it out and not believe in it. Do you believe, Strephon? Do you believe that things can be different than they are now? Then act upon this belief. Why should you just live the belief that cancer defeats the soul? Do more, Strephon, do more to defeat the cancer, to defeat the attitude causing the cancer, to defeat the attitude that life is too difficult or irritating or not how you would like it to be. Adapt, Strephon, adapt, and just see what a difference that can make for you.

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  • Strephon (author) said:

    It’s been a hard day to be positive with back pains and depression. And the possible setback of losing an early date to get married in case I ‘kick the bucket’ soon. Why am I making so much trouble with this? Stefania says, relax. It’s being taken care of. Don’t worry. So my dynamic to obsess and try and control is hurting me? Relax, Strephon! Yeah, how do you do that? Well, at least you know …

    # 23 September 2009 at 1:58 PM
  • Arthur B. Treadway said:

    Dear Strephon,

    Your writing the last few entries has been especially good. You are pointing out new things. It does make for good reading. Thanks for that.

    You have been one sided? Yes, probably, in much the way you describe. Most of us are too one-sided, one way or another. But now that isn’t very relevant maybe.

    Listen to Stefania, please. If you can still get up and go outside and walk and get some fresh air, please do that. Give yourself that little gift. Give it to your real-you body. Does following her suggestion and going out and walking and getting some fresh air, does that give you a certain pleasure when you’re doing it? If so, give yourself that little pleasure. It appears to me that you are very hard on yourself; maybe I’m wrong on that, but if I’m right, then you could practice identifying and giving yourself (probably little) things that give you some pleasure, healthy pleasure like breathing in some fresh air. Your cancer probably hates fresh air, but even if that is not so, if it is true that you enjoy the fresh air, then please give yourself that little gift. Maybe a few little gifts to your sane body would help out now. Maybe I’m wrong, but it appears to me that you haven’t done much gift giving to your healthy body over the years.

    Listen to your gal. She says “relax” and you say “Yeah, how do you do that? Well, at least you know…” And you trail off without answering. You are onto something there. She knows you know how to do that, to relax. So listen to her and wake up to knowing how to do that and do it! The miracle you seek may be hiding behind something very small, almost invisible.

    Enough for now. Keep going as far as you can and God bless you, whether He exists or not,
    Arthur

    # 23 September 2009 at 11:01 PM
  • Rachael said:

    Strephon, I am hoping you take some advice from others and do something pleasant for yourself. I know it is difficult, but do not consume your days with worry. I agree that with something so simple as a walk or even sitting on a bench enjoying your surroundings, there may come the smallest blessing into your life. As we all know, each day is a gift, treat yourself to something special.

    Best of thoughts, Rachael

    # 23 September 2009 at 11:29 PM

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