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Cancer Crisis Pains Sept 18, 2009 Marriage Strategy

I have pains in my back. I thought I was sleeping well last night, like I might even be getting better, but it seems the contrary is true. They may send me to the hospital today for what? Relief?

I wanted the homeopathy to start in earnest at the new Steiner clinic. Now what is going go?

So will they dope me up with stuff? Will they find a spread of the disease?

What can I endure? What cannot I endure?

One lung blocked says the new specialist so what can I do now?

Stefania takes care of me nicely at home, but what can she do with a dying man? She is building her life and has helpers, which is great.

Is this terminal now? At some point it has to be, of course.

Will I ever use my computer again, write another book? Of course everyone has a limit to their existence, so is this mine.

And trying to stay alive so that Stefania and I can marry and she have her rights to the place and to life here in the Netherlands.

Well, Steffi, what can I say? Wishing you all the best in life if this is it. It’s been an amazing time together. If we get more time together, well who knows. Keep trying is all I can say now.

Dr Adams saw me today, which was great. He says that when he looks at me I do look worse than a week ago. He called Dr de Lange and got the position not to give me chemo therapy which will debilitate me. But Adams increased medication and says to speed up the date of the wedding to as soon as possible.

Yes, I don’t feel very good today or in the night. Hope the increased medications at least help me not feel so bad.

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