Hot:

Those Who Blog Comment And Those Who Don’t

Issues: … speaking up in life … life interactions … unconscious motivations … dependency issues … enlarging life perspective …

I confess myself first. I seemed to need my commenters, those who write me personally and those who have decided it is all right to put their comments right in after mine on this blog.

My first purpose for this blog is to ‘leave a record’ of my experiences in life since I am now articulate about what I go through, having developed awareness and self-consciousness in myself and life.

Another experience turns out to be ‘to have friends’ and ‘to have students.’ A big feeling of isolation developed in receiving the cancer diagnosis, for it meant dying, sometimes painfully. It meant figuring things out as well out of this new life-threatening experience.

What did perceptive others have to say?

This listening and responding sometimes helped me in my own experience of the cancer challenge, and I responded as forthrightly to the comments as possible, seeking to gain perspective on what the commentator was going through as well as new perspective as to what I was going through.

I developed a dependency. I would hope for new comments in morning I went to my blog here. It was like receiving email from a dear friend.

Some, strangely enough, responded with hurtful things to say to me. Strange that when I am the one suffering the life crisis, even unto death, some respond by trying to upset me more, and even when I ask them not to because it causes me stress, and when stress levels go up cancer symptoms intensify.

Question

• Why do people attack as their way of responding to someone under attack?
• It’s as if in their subconscious mind my cancer (hey! It’s my cancer, isn’t it?) is threatening them and when they feel threatened in life, for whatever reason, they simply wildly attack what they feel threatened by, maybe not always knowing what they are doing.

I certainly don’t always know what I am doing, but I am committed to consciousness, so I try and find out why, if important enough, I am involved in something with sometimes pretty wild reactions.

Wild reactions are upsetting and being upset (in an upsetting way) reactions to life experiences, mostly these occurring in relationships (which can be upsetting at times).

Being attacked like this on my 75 birthday, knowing it is my birthday and knowing what I am going through? Come on now, but unbelievably it was done, a deliberate thing calculated to upset me. Some people must be very unconscious in their defense patterns.

I got over the unconscious attacks people made by figuring out what in me was happening and how I could respond appropriately rather then just react.

1. All of us live our lives in a context of life itself, and that includes relationships.

We Can’t Control

We can’t control how another person relates to us but we damn well better learn to process how we relate to others, and to do this life ongoing task we learn to process whatever reactions are evoked in us by how another person is relating, or not relating to us.

Get it?

Now why is he doing that to me? Now why is she doing that to me?

Not really to analyze her or him as to know what is happening to oneself, but with compassion to sometimes intuit what may be happening in the other person, whether they themselves know this about themselves, or they don’t want to know something about themselves.

It’s amazing how people close off to their own existence.

Keep locking the door, over and over again, and finally you beome closed to your own existence. Is this what you want?

Woefully in this life too many people choose to remain ignorant and unconscious about themselves. How can anyone choose to remain ignorant about themselves, but they do?

If you don’t catch up with yourself in life you remain a reactive and partial person with a distorted view of yourself to yourself and in life.

Ah, well, just have another beer, the forth of the day, and go unconscious, loose yourself to yourself for a few hours. It’s much easier than working on your real self, you say.

You might find out how mean you are, right? Said with a laugh, but seriously …

Are you an unconscious blob?

• … ???
  

But people do what they do. My only responsibility is to process so that I know what I choose for, the patterns and attitudes there, the real motivations, and to evaluate these with an ethical system. Mine includes reality as the ethical system. Others call it God.

Evaluating Oneself

Some, the more lazy and fearful, choose to paint themselves in the light of narcissism, the falling in love with oneself because there is no one else you can love since you don’t care really the effect you have on others.

If you want to see your own shadow then know your effect on others and bring choice and ethics to all your interactions. If you don’t have a system of evaluating your interactions you use your dear little ego as the guide.

What does ego like? What does big ego not like?

Poor Little You

I don’t care why I like something or not. I just don’t like it. I just don’t like you. Hell no, I’m not going to be responsible for my reactions, you caused them! I hate you for causing me suffering. Why should I try and improve myself regarding you? You have caused me enough troubles already. Why put more energy into it? As far as I am concerned, you don’t exist!

• Yes, I do figure out a few things about other people who react to me, so I can better deal with their coming at me.

Others have other motivations, just as compassion, such as curiosity, such as the need to help. One said recently he had a need to keep me alive. Some don’t even know their motivation, and when their reactions to me get too uncomfortable they stop.

It is summertime but my regulars have all maybe disengaged. I attribute this to now needing to process why they have put energy and focus into my sharing my life, and maybe they don’t know what it does for or against them.

Relating to a conscious me is always dangerous.

My perspective came first from a wisdom Jesus saying: he who is near to me is near to the fire. Christians took this to mean that Jesus was God and they were mere mortals. Then the Christians were still uncomfortable with this life principle articulated by Jesus and excluded it altogether from their gospel cannon, though they included a lot of weird stuff like from the author of the gospel of John and Revelations.

He who is near to me is near to the fire is simply too real, and I have found it so.

If you don’t have a commitment to process what is evoked in you by interacting with others then you can’t stand the fire, Baby!

But, another principle (from me maybe): get into the fire to get out. Whatever you have to tell yourself, when things are uncomfortable for you, get into the fire to get out.

Amazing, isn’t it? I don’t tell you things to do, unless you choose to use my statements that way. I get life principles because that is what I do, and because in my own sense of integrity I test out my life principles by living them.

I don’t read books anymore for this. I read myself, the core me, and I read life around me, including feedback from others. I process. What do you do?

(By the way, the blog gets an average of around 25 visitors now, many of whom stay.)

So, at the same time I am curing some more dependency by processing and sharing why I have been and am attracted to my commentators, who give me valuable energy of their own, I don’t know why they do this but they do, I have been needing human connection because it seems so lonely dying alone.

However, life is lonely. Essentially we are alone in life. Once we escape the womb, and our generally awful childhoods, we go out into life becoming self-autonomous and make our own choices and relationships. No one can cope with life for us or with us, though we try. We must handle our own lives.

But then, what is my alone life?

• You see me working at it here. Sometimes I get the feeling no one reads my blog. They don’t have to, so why should they?

The other question is, why do I read the news, or the things I read, listen to music, look at videos?

Hopefully because what my viewing content for the day is reflects undeveloped, or wrongly developed parts of myself that I need strong mirrors to.

Why am I wasting me day on things and people who don’t benefit me? Is it to have my four beers a day or two glasses of wine? Is it to make myself go unconscious?

Sometimes lately I have counted the hours to the end of my day when I can normally sleep. With some of these crazy sickness symptoms I could not do creative writing projects. So I looked around for creative videos, rejecting most, or a little news watching, knowing they are making life a bullshit attractive mess for the masses, me when I choose to space out including myself.

The CNN news presenters look so nice and groomed reading from the teleprompter. Why don’t they have the maimed from the bombings on to talk about the news of the next bombing from the Americans and Nato, or the insurgents (the rebelling), even the peaceful Dutch are doing bombing and calling themselves soldiers. Why always the groomed side telling us the news of the world?

Yes, they do interviews but don’t have the real livers of life tell us the news.

The Uninvolved on CNN and other channels stay uninvolved and tell us what’s happening in the world, not the real things so much as the violence of the world.

You don’t have to do anything to report over and over on the violence of the world.

Violence Is?

Violence is simply and explosion of excess energy. You repress yourself and you will explode. Dress it up as orders from a commander, it’s still the same acting out, the explosion and kill you give because you yourself are repressed.

But that’s another thing.

What do the people who read on this blog do with their experiences here?

We simply don’t know. Well, I don’t need to know. My motives get clear on why I write my reactions to myself and life here.

I don’t even need the commentators anymore. I have suddenly worked that through as a dependency issue.

Don’t go away! There is learning here! I don’t need you but maybe you need yourselves in the ways you can be challenged here.

I need perspective on life, and genuine companionship, and challenges to how I see things.

Some of this comes through, and for this I am grateful.

related post

• Strephon I Am Affirmations
• Strephon's Cancer Health Report August 1, 2009
• What Makes For A Strong Character Or Personality?
• $ 10 per year membership
• Membership Join Now-Values For