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Afternoon Nap Dream: One Spiritual Insight And Cancer

Issues: … spiritual insight to focus on … handling sleep … handling extra info on cancer treatment … understanding ones cancer … not giving up … cancer stress …

I had been sleepy all morning since six AM but stayed up to be up with my partner when we had breakfast and she went to work. Then we had an appointment to get some work help from someone at one PM but by then I was too sleepy.

Ate lunch and went to bed into a deep sleep but it lasted one hour, the sleep pattern these days. I don’t complain since I do sleep and get rested.

I awoke with the strong sense of one essential Jesus teaching lying on my bed next to where I was sleeping.

This morning I had been researching the historical Jesus on the web not connected to a Christian site. I was struck by the public broadcasting site focusing on the archeology of the time, like what media named a Mona Lisa mosaic in the floor of a villa at Sephorrus. Other scholars described cities of the time. Still other text scholars described the Gospel of Thomas as words translated into coptic. Elaine Pagels quoted her favorite Thomas saying which seemed to describe inner dynamics. ‘If you develop what is in you it will save you. If you do not develop what is in you it will destroy you.’

In fact I wrote a similar thing to a gifted friend recently. I warned her, based on experience of working with many people over the years, if she was not following her essential talent and mystical ability in giving to the world and having work in the world, but persisting in taking care of people, including her intimacy partner, that, yes, her physical symptoms could worsen, she could deteriorate physically, and never do in her life what she is most meant to do in contributing out of her essential self and destiny to humanity, even a small but significant segment of humanity.

Is this not the same as the Jesus teaching quoted by Elaine Pagels?

However, Pagels is a Harvard professor and good writer on gnosticism. She is not apparently a ‘healer of souls,‘ as has been my profession.

Jesus seems to have been both a teacher and healer of souls.

What I am startled by today is that the scholars on these Jesus web sites mostly write about physical artifacts, beauty, how people lived then, whereas none of that is that important. When I come looking for Jesus I want to know his significance to himself and others. It was not as a furniture maker or a construction worker.

Jesus’ vocation was to constantly practice articulating and living essence values that he discovered in his work with himself and others.

However, back then, as now, people seemed to spend almost all their time making sound and even beautiful their material worlds.

I was primarily a psychotherapist and then a teacher, and then a writer of books.

• As a psychotherapist I helped a significant number of people go through a healing process.

People get sick and unbalanced when they are too much in one side of things, call it work, family, intimate relationship, building or beautifying things, being lazy and being entertained too much.

My tennis friend says he and his wife watch DVD videos every day. They have a nice house, are retired, read novels, have friends a bit, but they are entertained far more than they are productive since retiring. I know this through the other retired tennis players as well.

For myself right now, I am dealing with cancer, which means that I have to take medications and sometimes struggling through my day feels like a real hardship. Low energy in going out buying food. Not having the focus and energy to clean up the kitchen, while on other days I do have focus and energy for daily tasks.

I have to keep reading in alternative therapy books so I understand what is the best way for me to stop lung cancer, which I am sure now from a lot of investigation the regular doctors cannot stop.

Now I have a huge project of rewriting the Jesus novel, and a big breakthrough idea came in how to best do it, so I start over there. I have to move house in a couple of weeks and have been only a driver for my partner while she and volunteers from work have done the repainting and putting down the floors.

We ran out of moving money so cannot buy the nice refrigerator. We have been using two tiny camper refrigerators for years.

Now we have a web blog with a significant amount of visitors coming. Stefania is adding a good product sales service so that it is easy to sell my writings as reports that people will buy because they need them.

However, while I am a writer who in the past sold over 350,000 of my books, do I have the right way yet to sell my insights on life on the web and generate money from web buyers?

The big test of this ability to earn extra income via the web is coming up right now this week or two.

I shall sell good advice and support on how to deal with a cancer diagnosis, not from how to treat your cancer but how to relate to regular doctors and alternative healers and how to make decisions in how you research your own cancer, if you do, and how to evaluate your ongoing cancer-dealing process.

Like when I started this cancer journey a few months ago I had no idea what the orthodox and alternative treatments were. I had no idea what kinds of tests there are to monitor if my cancer is getting worse or is disappearing?

When you have cancer you have a lot of doctors who give you a little of their time but no teachers come forward to instruct you in how to handle your cancer situation or the care people whose job it is to treat you, if you give the go ahead.

In high school and college you get teachers to teach you subject areas and skills for living and for working at jobs.

The Doctors

When you get a serious illness the doctors are supposed to teach you the information about your situation and the choices to make. But doctors are biased. The doctors I have dealt with let you know they have little time but want to answer your questions.

What your doctors really want is for you, the patient, is to make the decision they want you to make so they can treat you in the way they know how.

However, the atmosphere is one of patient choice. Yet, I as a patient do not have a teacher instructing me in the knowledge needed to make an informed choice.

Many people are out of work in western society. Teachers are given to the young. But why not give cancer teachers to cancer patients so that cancer patients can learn sufficient info to understand what is happening to them and what decisions the system and its doctors think best for the patient?

It’s all so confusing and time consuming. In the meanwhile at the same time I have cancer I have my regular life going on pretty much full speed ahead. While I have good medical insurance to cover expenses it still has cost me a few hundred extra for alternative treatment remedies though the medical insurance pays the alternative therapist at least for a few months, I don’t really know.

What a pressure there is to die then just because it seems more convenient to be out of the way for your partner and for your suffering self, and for the doctors who have new patients coming to them apparently all the time.

Yet, since I recognize these pressures I say NO to conveniently dying as the easy way to solve these problems.

No wonder I don’t have a normal sleep pattern any more, even with taking a prescribed sleeping pill. I sleep a short while four times a day. then I am up researching the web to learn quickly what kinds of treatments there are and what my best choices are, and also processing my mental condition because frankly it is depressing when my energy gets drained trying to research well and figure out options, and go to doctors and deal also with how they present themselves and their solutions.

By the way, in the Netherlands sleeping pills are not considered necessary medication that the medical insurance will pay for. You pay for sleep yourself.

Is this a strange world, or isn’t it?

I don’t have a medically experienced teacher-consultant in the doctor’s office with me to explain to me what the doctor, who has only fifteen minutes time is saying to me, and what decisions I should now make soon regarding my cancer case.

Then I buy a new alternative healing book off the web and I have to study it and if he has a similar perspective to the alternative therapist I have also just chosen.

Then I have to take the remedies recommended and believe the alternative therapist that I can be cured naturally but not by normal medical doctors who admit themselves their fail rate is very high. For my lung cancer only 15 out of 100 the specialist doctor says survives 5 years, which is how these doctors define success for themselves in curing cancer.

It looks like the doctor specialist fail rate is so high that I should read these statistics more realistically as 85 out of 100 lung cancer patients are dead within five years, many dead, half dead within one or two years.

I learn through questioning of the lung specialist that she and the other doctors don’t even keep statistics on their own patients, though their waiting room and office at the hospital was full of white uniformed personnel running the office, I guess mostly making appointments and keeping current patient records.

The patients line the walls in comfortable chairs and colorful room areas, but all looking so gloomy in the face and in their body slouches. These are cancer patients and their support friends when they have them.

I am one of these.

I am one of these trying to put in enough time every day researching my cancer case so that I really can make informed choices that might just mean I survive this cancer and do not die right away.

I am one of you. Only you don’t have cancer just yet. Cancer is called the biggest killer of older people. A lot of people say in the comments section of the Times that no one survives their cancer. They all die from it. Only maybe the doctors prolong their lives just a little while.

However, I also get personal stories from people I know of surviving much longer than just a few years. My ex literary agent has survived 10 years from his prostate cancer. A former client of mine had both her breasts removed about 28 years ago and is living a creative life partnered to a cancer surgeon today. She believes in cancer surgery, she says.

So you never know, do you?

They say, treat yourself as an individual case, not a statistic.

Believe me, I’m trying!

Apparently I have become a bit of a cancer teacher, I see. This essay shall go into my bigger Cancer Report for helping people with perspective on their own cases. Would that doctors would read my reports also.

This was about a dream I just had and the one spiritual insight that came to me from Jesus energy. I wonder what that insight is for me?

‘Don’t give up,’ is what comes to me now.

‘Don’t give up, Strephon!’

Drag yourself continuously up from the grave if that is what you have to do. Do it! Just do it until you absolutely can’t!

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