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Dreaming And The Secret Life

Aphorism: You haven’t lived until you have dreamed you have lived …

I just woke from my early evening nap of about two and a half hours, my partner still asleep in bed home from work.

It’s all part of my world now coming out into the main room and seeing the new medication we worked on getting today to suppress my big coughing bouts. The pharmacist came in on this one.

I checked out my General Practitioner again today with more strength myself. She is the one who had bungled a tennis friend of mine’s penis catherization when he woke up with what felt like a soccer ball for a bladder because he simply could not pee.

He’s alright today, while I am sacked due to older age and cancer.

Yet I still play the game of life, don’t I, and dream about it also?

In this last dream, as sometimes in life, we were doing the secret thing. I met this passionate and dark personality in the form of a lovely, intense woman. I knew nothing about her, yet I knew everything about her, that kind of passion-love we, the bolder of us in life, do not want to give up.

• We both had arranged a rendezvous in the dense woods, with paths of course, and were about to find us both together at a line of trees.

My, that meeting would be intense, probably falling into each other’s arms in a grabbing sort of way, the intensity of strangers that feel the dark energy of life just right for each other, regardless os what life we have created with others so far.

Let us have our passion, please …

Let us keep at least some of our passions, please …

At my state of developing consciousness, I am aware of living potentials, or not living certain ones, with relish, with adventure, with swallowing fears, … will she meet me on the way? … these things happen or they don’t … if you do meet then you are meant to meet … it’s something you would not easily give up for the world … Ah, but I am giving up the world, it seems … How much time? … How much time …

My doctor put us in first at 8 AM in the morning. Partner and I sat in the car waiting for the building to open and the doctor to come.

There she parks in my rear-view mirror, and here she comes! … carrying a large picnic basket covered with napkins … the nest … the married to self affirmation of having a good day in spite of being alone, maybe … or people’s suffering …

Despite the sick patients she has to treat in her day, some of them dying, she has her own picnic basket full of the goodies of life.

• We each make our day what it can be …

Here in my dream dreamed a few hours later … I and a passionate other are chasing towards each other to taste our souls together through our lips and further through our bodies, The Mingling … and who knows the future?

• Did I ever know the past before that too happened?

In the dream, as sometimes in our separate lives, we have been, are, relating to a steady partner … do not take that from us either … we would have both … the secret rendezvous and the regularly committed ones of a steady relationship.

A woman out there still loves me … maybe more than one now?

I am nothing … nothing that I am …

• Time gives us something, does it not?

People we mutually know give us little reports, but I know these are still courting rituals … make it good … make the package attractive …

The package is what it is …

Give reports of your ex partner, though you did everything you could to slay him at separation’s point … and now you convey the message of peace, harmony, love and affection … the kind of life that is domestic utility … and that’s all right …

• The truth lies therein somewhere close but somewhere else …

You wanted your adventure … insisted on it … and it was good … as good as good is …

The essence is not ethics.

The essence is the freedom to be free.

The essence is the freedom to make that passionate contact despite what you already have going in yourself.

There is no thought on my part outside the dream for a passionate affair, for now I have a partner who understands these things somewhat as I do with the voice and ring of reality.

• Dreams metaphorize our essences so we may live them elsewhere also …

We find our passion in the moment, or we find it not at all …

That is essence …

This is truth …

Today was a good day …

Today was a great day, working together … on my cancer condition, yet also on the forced moving to a new place that turns out better for us …

• It’s not easy to find a new place in life … Is it?

Today was a day of precious contact all around working together at the labor that is life, that sustains life a little longer for a cancer victim coughing a lot but not having pain symptoms.

They take away your pain but not so easily your cough …

THE REALITY PRAYER
Our Father, Source
Sacred is the name of all that you are
Our kingdom come of life lived to the essence
Your guidance I try mostly to follow,
And get others to follow as well …

It is the passion, the dream actualized
That makes the difference …

I don’t pursue girls, as in earlier periods …
I pursue life, not one representative of it.

The new medication on the dinning room table,
Which may hold some relief so I can live my day,
Like a gleaming jewel, the little container …

Life is in the connections we are able to make
With and for each other …

Our GP acted cooperatively this early morning appointment …

Great!

You can bring a doctor to your bedside
But you can’t make her drink of your sickness
And give you that extra compassion needed.

She knows I observe things about her and her life, and that has to be okay. Netherlands seems a crowded and social country. They never give up childhood curiosity here, looking you directly in the eyes as you pass by each other or simply talk …

I remember from this morning how she carried her covered picnic basket in …

I don’t speculate. I don’t know … but there it is …

See how the lean and lonely men fight it here, while in Norway the men just let go and drink themselves to death, dying early …
As I well know, having lived there also and ministered to the psychologically sick … Ah, if you only knew? … would you not be less curious?

We all have a special thing.

Are we making good contact with life, the secret affair, the committed, year-by-year living together, ‘working it all out?’ The work in the world that always needs humanizing … as we all live and die on the time scale …

Though I am dying I am living still …
Though I can’t do things because of age
I am dreaming them …
Though I am afflicted, even unto death …
I am also spinning with the breath of life
Somewhat tainted, yet …

Do you have the ‘tainted breath syndrome I seem to have?

Though I live in the valley of the shadow of death
I still see no evil … unless the light brightens also …

I find God in everything, no judgments there …
Free, I am able still to be free …

Free to live out my cancer
Until the end of all my days …

But are they numbered yet?

We just don’t know …

Do we?

HURRY UP, CAN WE?

NO, NO, I MEANT SLOW DOWN, WILL WE?

SLOW DOWN …

LET’S GET IT JUST RIGHT

It’s never too late to be a little late …

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