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Flickr photo: Raimbaud http://flickr.com/photos/raimbaud/3217528089/
Key Words: sexual intercourse … change together … commitment … common destiny … accept each other … relationship by a mutual commitment … commit to individual change … freedom to grow and develop … Challenge … true unity … grow separately together …
It’s not when you first have sexual intercourse together that marks the change point of you two being in relationship, it is when you agree to change together in each others’ presence.
You two commit to sharing a common destiny where the two of you is more than one plus one.
This key commitment contrasts seriously with what may be seen as its opposite principle.
This other approach is that you two find yourselves sharing together on a regular basis emotionally and sexually, and in order to stay together you both commit to accept each other in every way possible as you each are.
You form the basis of your relationship by a mutual commitment to go along with each other in values and behavior as much as you each can, ever increasing the range of acceptance you give to that other person you are relating to.
Thus you commit to individual change in yourself as a necessary result of your practicing total acceptance of the other.
This total acceptance that you each practice towards the other then gives to the other an extraordinary freedom to grow and develop in ways not at first thought possible.
Within the first approach of challenge more than acceptance you each agree to accept and respond to whatever your partner does and evokes in you as a means of your own further self-growth and development.
The equation finally is:
How much do I practice Acceptance of the Other, and how much do I practice responding to the Challenge of the Other?
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Acceptance of others certainly makes life a lot easier. They become more open to accept you, too.
Sometimes we show only what is acceptable to others. In this light the personality is constrained, imprisoned. The alternative may be losing a job or arguements in the household, even divorce.
In a relationship we gradually become a different person, molded around each other’s edges.
Self-acceptance comes first – otherwise seeking it from others will never be satisfactory. Once the self is accepted, and loved, then there is less call for acceptance by others. Then one can more comfortably be himself, despite the criticism or judgements of others.
We can accept oneself today, and have to start all over again tomorrow.
Cheers,
Jeremy
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